I’ve been really hoping to post more frequently on here and feel bummed every time I forget to. Sometimes I just have a difficult time deciding what is too “personal” to put on the Internet, I suppose. I’ve gotten much better at journaling in real life, which makes me quite happy. I really do like blogging though because I can share photos and things of that nature. Not to mention I type way faster than I write!
On a separate note, I turn nineteen very soon! April 23rd! It actually kind of really snuck up on me this time in a “Oh wow I can’t believe it’s already been a year” kind of way. Unfortunately, my birthday falls on the day before finals week (and probably always will). So I won’t be able to celebrate until after, but getting out of school a month earlier than I did in high school is a wonderful birthday present! Hahaha. What is your favorite way to celebrate your birthday? 🙂
I still cannot fathom that I will be a sophomore in college at the end of this month. Sometimes I can’t believe my life. Everything about it: the person I am, how I got here, and the situations I find myself in. These are the thoughts that float around in my head at the wee hours of the morning when I should be asleep (you all know what I’m talking about!)
When did I grow up? When did I mature and become so calm, comfortable, and accepting of the present? I used to be so shy. I have accelerated. I don’t know what caused it, but I zoomed. The idea of seizing the day nestled in my heart and made itself at home.
I feel a sense of contentment. Things are. They just…are. I don’t need to use adjectives to explain myself. I am, things are, and life is. That’s it.
During my senior year of high school, one of my friends told me something I’ll never forget: “You’ve such a changed person. I think freshman year, you didn’t know who you were as a person, but now, you’ve definitely found out exactly who you are.”
He’s right, but he’s also wrong. I’m still growing, still forming, still stretching, still pulling. I don’t think anyone ever fully reached their potential and stops because I learn new things about myself everyday. I think once a person reaches a certain potential, another level is added on, and it’s like a game or a maze–you never stop climbing and reaching for the next part of you like a missing puzzle piece, but then one day, your foot rubs against it and you feel whole again. I do understand where he’s coming from thought because, yes, I have grown and matured so much and it really makes me feel sentimental and emotional because of the beauty if it all.
It completely blows me away how an immature, boy crazy, self-conscious, lost-in-a-crowd, twelve year old girl trapped in a cocoon because an eighteen going on nineteen butterfly who spreads her wings more and more each passing day. (That was painfully cheesy, but please forgive me hahaha). I have come to state of contentment filled with self-respect, endless self-love, morals, values, spirituality, creativity, self-belief, inner beauty, outward love and compassion, and the 100% believe in living each second as if it is my last and grasping each moment between my palms to stuff in my back pocket to keep as a memory forever.
It’s so utterly fascinating and entrancing how I’ve reached a stage in my life where I just want to close my eyes, spin around in circles, let the star dust fill my lungs, and live, live, live, live, live and exist. I just want to exist and be remembered and leave fingerprints on the hearts of every being I encounter.
Wow. I just had a huge self-revelation. I guess that’s what nineteen does to ya! 😉
Goodness. I’m just so happy. I’m so, very, truly, sincerely, tremendously, immensely happy.