how to build self-confidence: part 1

How to Build Self-Confidence
(Read How to Build Self-Confidence part 2 and part 3)


“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” ― Dale Carnegie

The other day, I told my friend that I used to be shy and she was dumbfounded. “You, shy? You’re joking right?” No, definitely not joking. A lot of people have told me that they think that I am a confident person. I’m glad that they see me as a confident person because it seriously took a lot to be where I am today!

Over the past month, I have noticed a transformation in myself. Funny, how as the season was changing, so was I. In high school, I did not have any confidence in myself. In college, I saw that it sprouted a bit. Not until this past month have I noticed an absolute transformation in my life. My self-confidence has skyrocketed. I am truly confident in myself. I have never been able to say that. I am at a place in my life I have never been. I am so truly happy! I know I may not be 100% happy with everything in my life right now, but I am 100% happy with myself, who I am, and where I am and I cannot describe how amazing that feeling is.

So, I am here to share a bit about how this happened. How I turned from
A wallflower –> the life of the party
Standing alone against a wall –> in the center of the dance floor
Too shy to talk to anyone –> so friendly I can’t keep up with all the names
Needing a relationship –> finding comfort in the single life
Needing the validation of others –> realizing true validation comes from within
Looking at the ground when I walk –> interacting with those around me
Putting myself down –> lifting myself up
Worrying about the outcome –> enjoying the process
Living in the future –> living in the present
Not liking myself –> being proud of who I am
Hating my flaws –> loving every inch of me
Waiting –> taking the initiative
Being afraid –> being courageous

… the list goes on and on.

How to Build Self-Confidence

Know your worth.

“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter.” ― C. JoyBell C.

This is the key to understanding confidence. It sets a standard for how you view yourself, how you love yourself, how you treat yourself. It is the most important. And for me, this step is the only step I need. This step is only hard if you make it hard.

Expect success. Quit worrying.

“Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” ― Proverb

It might seem strange to say expect success since you can’t predict the future, but don’t we do the alternative all the time? Have you ever gone into a stressful situation assuming the worst—that something would go wrong?

I know I do! I have gone into many situations worrying about how much I am going to mess up or how I think I will fail. All this does is set yourself up for failure.  More often than not, I worry excessively only to have absolutely nothing go wrong. I waste so much energy worrying and putting myself down when there is nothing to worry about!

Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not.

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” ― Dalai Lama

Embrace the unknown.

No matter how talented, smart, or capable you are, you cannot predict or control everything that happens in your life. Even confident people lose jobs, relationships, opportunities, health, etc.

Confidence comes from knowing your capabilities but acknowledging it’s not solely responsible for creating your world. Take that weight off your shoulders and realize that sometimes, the twists and turns have nothing to do with what you did or should have done. Sometimes life is just plain unfair!

Say yes.

“Say yes and you’ll figure it out afterwards.” ― Tina Fey

Say yes. Say yes to opportunities. Put yourself out there. Even with the fear and the anxiety. Even if you fail, at least you did it! We as humans are capable of doing so many things. We won’t know and we don’t know unless we try! Don’t let fear get in the way of even attempting things!

Did I think I would ever become a president of an organization? Nope! Now I am. If I never ran for president, I wouldn’t even have gotten this opportunity. The worst that could have happened was not getting the position. Life goes on and other opportunities arise!

“What if I don’t get in?!”
Oh, but darling… what if you do?!

Learn to receive praise.

It’s amazing how easy it is to believe all the negative things people say and yet discredit the positive. If someone gives you a compliment, accept it. Don’t roll your eyes and say, “Yeah, right,” or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively. (A thank you and a smile work well!)

You earn the praise you receive. Don’t talk yourself out of believing it. Instead, recycle it into confidence. You have to believe others when they show you you’re worthy. Understand that they’re complimenting because they really ARE impressed with what you’ve done. I believe compliments are a vital part of growth.

Compliment other people.

When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well-liked and build self confidence. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.

Be a good person. Act in accordance with the Golden Rule, and you start to feel good about yourself, and start to think that you are a good person. It does wonders for your self-confidence, believe me.

Practice confidence.

Like anything else in life, your confidence will improve with practice. The more you practice, the better you’ll become. Fake it ’til you make it. Sometimes we need to pretend in order to change our thought patterns. If you don’t feel confident, fake it and play the part of how you would think and behave if you were confident. Soon you’ll really start to feel confident. That part becomes real.

Ask yourself what a confident person would do and then try to emulate that. Watch your posture and your tone. Hunching and mumbling will make you feel and look less confident, so stand up and speak slowly and clearly.

How to Build Self-Confidence

Share some of your ways to boost confidence in the comments! Have any of the ways I’ve shared worked for you? When is a time you have felt the most confident in yourself?

Laurie Hamame

Ball of sunshine. Chronic giggler. A lover of all things sweet potato. An overly friendly, world traveling, body positive warrior. Avid bookworm. Self-proclaimed chef and spiritually Italian. Promotor of daily walks, coffee dates and 30-second dance parties.

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Laurie Hamame

Ball of sunshine. Chronic giggler. A lover of all things sweet potato. An overly friendly, world traveling, body positive warrior. Avid bookworm. Self-proclaimed chef and spiritually Italian. Promotor of daily walks, coffee dates and 30-second dance parties.

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