We’ve made it to New Year’s Eve! Now we can all believe in magic for one night, as though we all get a reset/restart button in our lives and anything is possible and everything could change for the better, if we want it to, if we try, if we are open to the potential of a brand new year. I think many of us could use that feeling of a fresh start.
I’m not the person I was a couple of months ago, let alone an entire year ago. I (and this is the big one) haven’t been sad in so long. I haven’t fallen into sadness. There are people here who I have found who love me and who make Columbus home. There are people I love who make me feel like everything is going to be okay. I’m not sad anymore. I’m not sad anymore!
This is an ode to the past year, to how lonely and insecure I felt in the years prior, and how now, in 2014, I haven’t felt that way in ages. I’ve grown a great deal since I’ve been in college, especially during my third year. This year has, hands down, been the best year of my entire life thus far. There is nothing frivolous about being content, I realized. There’s no shallowness in wanting to be happy, always. I was so sick of feeling like my entire life was caving into my chest.
Oh, my stars, I’m so glad that even in this Ohio winter, I still feel so much summer inside of me.
There are so many beautiful things in this world, so many beautiful people, so much love. Even if this life gets a little cramped and crooked sometimes, it’s all we’ve got y’know? This world is all we’ve got. There are so many things to love about it. You just have to learn how to see the light; how to make wishes on stars; how to see beauty in broken things; how to love those broken things like they aren’t so fragile.
Yes, I know being happy is hard and often temperamental, but you have to do things that scare the hell out of you sometimes. Have to kiss people that might not kiss you back. Have to get your hands a little dirty. Have to think about what it means to change, what it means to start over, what it means to live, what it means to feel your knees buckling beneath the weight of all these beautiful things. I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel lonely as long as you know that you’re not alone. And let me tell you, from one stranger to another, you are never alone.
2014 was weird and wonderful. Good things, bad things, yelling positive things everywhere I went, thrusting myself entirely out of my comfort zone, trying new thing after new thing, detoxifying my relationships.
I learned – or rather, I put into practice – that you can’t keep anyone in your life who doesn’t make you feel infinite. I learned that it is ok to be selfish sometimes, that being myself does not require an apology or disclaimer, that as a woman, I should never apologize for taking up space (I have just as much of a right to speak my mind as the next guy), and most importantly, I learned the power of unapologetically saying no. No. “No” is a complete sentence and requires zero justification or explanation.
I was braver than I can quantify, somehow. I put myself out there more than I thought I was capable of (but always capable of more than I think I am). I spent a lot of time with other people, shedding my introverted shell quicker than I thought possible.
So. I am heading into this new year with open arms. I am tossing these next 365 days up into the air and yelling, “Surprise me!” 2014 surely did.
Some hopes for the upcoming year:
– Develop and stick to a yoga/meditation routine
– Try something new every month, whether it be a new food, restaurant, cafe, hairstyle, activity, etc…
– Be more present. Less social media. Less cell phone. Less distractions
– Write and read even more than I did this year. This year, I completed 13 books, 98 blog posts, and no where near enough journals.
– Run, run, run
– Grow and deepen my friendships
– Just try my best!
I think these are reasonable. It’s not like I’m foolish enough to think I’m going to magically turn into some super fabulous version of myself or something. However, I do want to be constantly improving. Otherwise, what’s the point?
Big things to look forward to:
– Running my first marathon
– Studying abroad this summer
– Running the Faces of Ohio State photoblog (like Humans of New York, but for my university)
– Being a published writer
– NEDA Walk
– Becoming a member of OSU Running Club
– Starting my Journalism program
I hope the last bits of this year treat you kindly and I hope you kiss someone nice. I hope you are brave, if you can bring yourself to be. I hope you have good things coming for ya. 🙂